CHILDREN'S SHORT STORIES FOR ADULTS

The tale of His Honour Justice McJudgemuch and his technicolour robe.

​

Dedicated to all those who dare to try.

​

By Deepti V. Patel

 

This is his Honour Justice McJudgemuch. Judges are not known for wearing colourful clothes.  Some people say that they look like they are always going to a funeral.  Judges like Justice McJudgemuch are thought to be very serious. They wear long black robes and a very white, hairy curly whirly wig. They are also the only very very serious profession, to go to work every day in a form of fancy dress!

 

Now if you have been unlucky enough to be in front of a judge then you might just remember the shrinking feeling you get when a judge peers down at you. Well, Justice McJudgemuch had perfected the art form of making children before him, magically feel like they had shrunk to the size of a thimble.

 

However, Justice McJudgemuch was particularly ferocious to the lawyers before him. Good lawyers stood tall and looked Justice McJudgemuch straight in the eye despite his icy gaze.  These lawyers were well trained and cared very much about the children.  They did not have too much to fear, for they always tried to do the right thing.

​

Then there were the selfish and lazy lawyers. They trembled and feared being caught out and embarrassed by Justice McJudgemuch. They often worried about speaking too softly or too fast; saying too much or too little and sometimes even having to say anything at all! The bad lawyers feared the moment when Justice McJudgemuch would roar at them turning them immediately into a cockroach.  That is until they left the courtroom, whereupon they would return to their human form again - unfortunately! The lazy lawyers thought it was easier and safer for them to blame the children for being bad than to do their job and help.

 

The children that came before McJudgemuch were equally frightened of him, even if sometimes they did a really good job of hiding it.  They often would look down and tried to avoid McJudgemuch’s infamous steely gaze. They did not want him to look into their souls and judge them. After being a judge for many, many years Justice McJudgemuch had become angry and rather fed up.  He was tired of dealing with more and more, what he thought, were naughty children. But Justice McJudgemuch’s judgements hurt the children that he wanted to help the most and he was quite oblivious of that fact.

​

Now it’s hard to think of a judge being young or wearing anything but their gloomy black robes. How long ago it seemed, were the days where McJudgemuch had been famous for something quite different!  At law school, McJudgemuch was himself judged and ridiculed by his peers, for his rather bright, gaudy and downright outrageous clothing.

 

Now the only reminder he had of his former youthful years was one of his earliest robes that his dear wife had sown for him.  It had become a little joke between the two of them.  From the outside, the robe looked completely normal with its sombre black tone.  But inside there was a magnificent lining of technicolour, which when opened beamed outwards like a rainbow.  Since Mrs McJudgemuch died, however, Justice McJudgemuch stopped wearing his technicolour robe and became more and more judgemental and wore more and more black.

 

Every morning McJudgemuch had the same hearty breakfast of two bacon rashers, two black pudding sausages, two fried eggs, baked beans and fried tomatoes. Every morning he would get his court papers, black gown, wig and his case and walk to his beloved courtroom – ready to roar and sometimes have an occasional nap if a lawyer was particularly dull.

 

On this day McJudgemuch had woken up late and was now in a rush. He reached into his cupboard and picked out the first robe he could lay his hands on. It was, in fact, his old forgotten technicolour robe. He grabbed his belongings and rushed to court, cursing his watch and all the clocks and at one point he blamed his tardiness on the earth moving faster than usual!  It couldn’t possibly be his fault that he was late.

​

Now on the very same morning across the city, Milo was also making his way to court. Milo looked like he was a thug, a hooligan, and generally a really mean, bad boy. I emphasise the word looked because actually Milo was secretly a very talented poet and had a very soft and compassionate nature. But life had been tough for Milo and he had learnt to look tough to survive his daily battles. His beautiful poems were lost and forgotten and he found a new vocabulary to defend himself with which was full of hurt and rage.

​

Milo arrived at courtroom 1, his palms were sweating and his heart was racing.  He looked around for his loyal lawyer, Irene La Bonnecoeur. Irene was very small, so small that sometimes she was mistaken as one of the children! Unlike all the other lawyers, Irene wore very bright clothes. Irene thought life was too short to wear just black and white all day. The other defining feature of Irene was that she had the curliest gingery-est mane.  When Irene was defending her children her ginger hair made her look like a proud lioness. Irene was not like the other lawyers, she loved the children dearly.  Irene was able to see right through even the toughest children and she always tried to look for the best in them.

​

Milo knew he was in good hands but he was still very nervous. He had been in and out of the court a lot that year. Milo felt that when he was at court, Irene protected him. Sometimes the judges said that they thought he had a lot of potential. This was the only time Milo felt that even though he was there for being bad, he had everyone’s attention. In court bizarrely Milo felt that people cared for him and sadly it was the only time he was ever complimented.

​

To make Milo less frightened of McJudgemuch and the courtroom Irene told Milo to imagine  McJudgemuch doing some pretty ridiculous things. Like McJudgemuch walking along the beach wearing socks and sandals, bright lime green Bermuda shorts and a long fur coat! Or to imagine him eating steak with chopsticks; or dancing the tango in a ballerina’s tutu! It worked, Milo smiled and momentarily relaxed.

​

Irene and Milo were ushered into the courtroom by the clerk. There before them was McJudgemuch looking particularly agitated and weary. He took one look at Irene and thought to himself that she was one of these new-fangled hippie-dippie lawyers.

​

 He was even more annoyed by her outfit but couldn’t figure out why it caused him so much annoyance when somewhere deep inside he felt a little happier because of it. Then McJudgemuch turned his attention to Milo. “The little rascal,” he thought to himself I can only imagine what absolute mischief this one has been racking up, I’m going to throw the book at him.  I’ll set him straight and off to somewhere that will teach him about rules, obedience and authority. That’s what he needs a good straightening out.......